Saturday, June 4, 2011

Why Is It So Hard?

What it, well all of it, the building of habits that include exercise and devotions, the faith and hope that I try to hold on to in the midst of chaos.  The faithsteps filled walk that I try to take every day.  The “keeping my cool” when the kids are going crazy in the Eyeglass World store.  Angie Smith (yup, Love You!!) posted this week on perspective after she had posted about the Gymboree experience.  I felt for the momma at Gymboree, I was just “there” on Wednesday. 
Waiting and waiting at the EW while I had my eyes checked and picked out new glasses was just TOO MUCH for my crew.

  The older ones have questions and wander to look at things, the little ones follow and are amazed by all the “pretty glasses” within their reach.  My plan was to go in, be checked, pick out glasses and get outta there to the rest of my to do list.  Did that happen?  Nope!  My appt was for 2:00, I arrived the appropriate 15 minutes early – new client, probably would have some extra paperwork, you know what I’m talking about.  The doc walked back in and took the lady waiting for her appt, apparently scheduled ahead of me, in at about 2:00.  Umm, not a great start here people.  During my waiting I picked out the four pairs of glasses that were appealing to me, setting them in a basket to the side so it was one less thing to do later.  Finally the other client is finished and I go in to the exam room.  Kiddos, fairly cooperatively, plant themselves on the floor and watch me read all the letters on the wall.  A few fruit snacks and several minutes later we’re finished with that.  I don’t really have a clue what time it is, I’m trying to keep the crew calm, get my glasses ordered and out the door.  In the meantime the wonderful lady helping me automatically racks up a $450 bill and I have no idea what’s going on.  I repeat that I only need glasses, no contacts at least three times amidst saying things like “what’s the deal, you’re never like this” to the kids – yup, sure did.  I go chase kids down and ask them “not to touch the glasses, please” for about the millionth time.  She’s still trying to sell me on sunglasses and the expensive lenses that are so much thinner than the regular plastic ones (by a drastic 20%, mind you) and when I say I don’t want to spend more than $200 she flusters and re-does the same math that keeps adding up to $300-$350.  Finally, I sadly send the kids to the car because I can easier clean that disaster up than I can the store.  I mean if the sales-lady won’t listen to me, what can I expect of my kids - haha.  Amusingly, without the distraction of my kids the lady finally listens when I say, I want the two pairs of basic glasses for $78 nothing special about them.  The comment that really upset me was when she said, “I guess as a mom you have to make sacrifices sometimes”.  My reply?  “Yep, I guess so.”  That stung, because it’s just sunglasses, oh and lenses that could’ve been a fraction of a millimeter thinner if I’d only been willing to spend a couple hundred more dollars.  What really frustrated me is that as I’m buckling seatbelts, growling at kids that weren’t cooperating, I check the time and realize that it is after 4:00 and the things I had planned on doing were going out the window right along side the patience and good moods of all of us and NONE of that was my kids’ fault, though they took the brunt of my bad attitude about it.

I fully acknowledge that my kids are NOT perfect, but guess what, neither am I!!  I also realize that I know what they can handle and I full well will take them out into the real world of grocery stores, malls, doctor’s appointments and anywhere else because they know what I expect of them.  I have walked into the grocery store and turned around and walked right back out going home without the milk because they started the temper tantrum for the car cart, you know the one, I do not use that thing.  Just this morning Jayden was up by 6:30 because he knew that he wasn’t going on the tractor ride today if his chores weren’t done first.  Amazingly, said chores will usually take hours but today were done in about 45 minutes.  Bravo buddy!!

I will gladly wear the badge of mom if it includes these moments.  I’m learning every day that life is full of the unexpected.  The kids will have their moments, I will have mine, dearest hubby will have his.  Not every day smells of fresh flowers and has us dancing carefree across the meadows.  Wait, I don’t think I’ve even had one day like that now that I think about it.  Who does?

The inspiring Faith Barista posted on encouragement on Thursday, she encourages me regularly, as do many others without even knowing it.  I hope to encourage at least one person every day.  It doesn’t always happen, but I will keep trying to put my best foot forward.  I will do my best to do the best for God that I can.  That’s all I can do.  I will stumble and ask for His forgiveness, I will cry and lean on Him for strength and I will laugh and thank Him for all the blessings He has given me.  So yes, sometimes I’m that mom with the screaming kids and sometimes I’m the mom across the store being amazed by another mom’s actions.

Either way it is all in the perspective that I can view the situation from.  Let the perspective always shine light on the Lord.  Letting Him reach out and teach me in all of the ways of my days.  Why is it so hard?  Quite likely because I make it that way, when I’m not paying attention, speaking and acting clearly I confuse those around me.  Not intentionally, but when things start to awry the perspective gets skewed and instead of encouraging words rolling around in my head I feel the insecurity of life creep in.

Thank you for encouraging me!  You don’t even know it.  Thank you for making me feel better after I have those crazy – Did you see what she did??? – type of moments.  It is with your help that I am walking closer to God and breathing a little easier today.  Yup, thanks to God for giving me you!!

LuvNHugz ~ SupportNPrayerz


No comments:

Post a Comment