Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Privilege of Time

Looking up the word privilege in the dictionary will tell you that it means a special right or advantage granted or available to only a select person or group.  Huh, I’ve never really thought about it before but that is what life is, the privilege of time.  I was given this amazing gift by the Lord, this privilege of time that is gifted only to me, a life full of moments, experiences and memories that is unique to me.  Each day is full of these gifts.  I have not always recognized them as gifts it has taken me years of trial and error, stumbling into this wisdom.

I am starting to see my life for what it is, a specific privilege of time.  Time spent growing up with young parents while they spent early years together becoming adults.  Being the oldest grandchild on one branch of the family tree while dancing in the middle on the other side.  Becoming a big sister after eight years of solitary child blessings.  Moving and growing, as my parents stretched their wings and set out on their own adventures taking us to a new home away from home.  Time spent working in high school at a job that most gals wouldn’t.  Hours spent repeating the same thing as what you did the day before while working in the factory.  Saying countless hellos over the customer service lines that taught me that the affect of the full moon does matter.  Finally meeting someone that God showed me I couldn’t live without.  Our oldest was born ten months after our first date.  Yup, I’ll admit that because God works in wonderful ways!  The privilege of time is that I was married to my sweet heart six and a half months after our first date and while we thought our first year together was craziness it hasn’t slowed down yet.  Some of my sweetest privileges of time were carrying the babes that God blessed us with.  There are five here that I got to feel grow and kick for months and watch every day.  There are three dancing in heaven because I was only blessed to know them for a few weeks.

Those are the some of the significant privileges, the memories in time that I reflect on often.  We recently finished VBS here in our little country church.  I am repeatedly blessed to have a part in blessing these children with God’s message in their life.  This year I felt especially blessed.  I had the privilege of spending time with Miss Stella.  She is a beautiful little girl that has the unique privilege of SMA.  As with the rest of us walking through life on earth her days are numbered.  What is special is that many count them as another day to be blessed with her presence.  I was beyond excited to know that I was going to get to spend a few short mornings with her.  I could never thank her family and God enough for giving me those hours.  I’m usually slow to step outside of my comfort zone, but for this week I was more than happy to jump out and help her dance to the music.  I write with tears in my eyes remembering the simple joy of making her fingerprint flower picture frame and singing the grow, grow, grow song with her.  I have held this family in my heart from afar for four years.  I now have been blessed with the amazing privilege of time spent with her, watching her smile, reading the thoughts in her eyes and sharing love with her.

There is so much more that I don’t reflect upon often enough.  It is all of these small moments that I’m truly learning to see as the privileges of time.  The time spent getting groceries, sorting laundry, washing dishes, listening to children (whatever mood they’re in), sweeping the floor (again), it’s all the things I do every day that are the privileges of the time that God has given me.

I enjoy taking the time to write, another privilege of time.  A post such as this can take me a few days as I spin my thoughts in a few quiet seconds here and there.  I just posted one that I spent a week on and then wound up not getting posted for nearly another week.  I also posted a link to a song.  It’s an amazing song the words really spoke to my heart and even though it was just the first time I’d heard it, I couldn’t help but find a way to share it.  Someone took time to write the song, another took time to record it, someone else chose to play it and I was privileged to hear it.  So as I smile and think to intertwine the two posts together, please take time to “Do Everything” to glorify Him.  It is the most important thing to do while experiencing the privilege of time.

So as I sign off let me thank you for giving me the privilege of your time as you pause to read this.  Blessings!!



Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Going On

Where do we go from here?  Is it moving on or starting over when one of life’s harsh realities has completely rocked your world?  Rebuilding your home after a fire, flood or tornado, what do you do first?  Starting again as a single individual instead of a half of a married couple after a divorce, where to turn.  Stepping out on life’s path after a loved one is gone, where do I go from here?

Sometimes the days are endless and the moments of trial are more like mountains than molehills.  Sometimes the digging deep isn’t even close to enough to get you through.  Sometimes the rainstorms in life are washing us away from everything we found solid in life.  Even if we built our house on the rock we feel like we’re sinking into the sand.

I’ve said this before that 2011 was going to be a year that would be difficult to bear.  I started this blog so that I might be able to journal my journey through life.  I’m not being a pessimistic Peggy here, I’m just voicing what my gut has been telling me and what I’ve been feeling led to prepare for.  I am usually very happy to find the sunshine and rainbows dancing through the rain clouds and will happily stomp through the mud puddles giggling and laughing.

This has been a rough week and as I took a moment to really think about all that’s going on around me this is what I realized.  A beautiful 18 year old lost her life last Wednesday, a school friend lost his life on Saturday, my “little sister’s” old roommate took her own life yesterday.  That’s enough to shatter my heart because I know their “stories”.  I also keep in mind my BF’s MIL that’s battling cancer having been given “two months”, my distant cousin that’s been battling cancer for years that is still visiting with doctors about what to try next.  The ones living through the hard moments of life, the ones wondering what tomorrow will bring, pain or relief.  I’m not just thinking about these things, but also the student struggling in school because for some it’s just really hard to get this reading, writing and concentration figured out.  I even love hard on the child born with the life altering disabilities that prevent her from ever taking a step on her own two feet.  The wreck that takes away his freedom, leaving him dependent upon a wheelchair to get from here to there for the rest of his days.

They’re everywhere we look the pain, suffering, aching hearts and sad faces.  It’s hard not to see it, it’s also hard to look deep into it and look for the beauty and grace that God gives us in these lives.  Where do we go when our plans are crumpled in the storms of life leaving us to only imagine how we can start again?  Coming out of the blurry daze and confusion that comes from having the rug pulled right from beneath your feet.

Seems that the only thing I can think to do is turn to Him.  The One who has arms open wide, ready and willing to be our rock.  He is a good God, a God that only wants the best and beautiful for us.  It’s hard to believe that on those days when the rain is falling all around you and your comfort zone is washed away with the raging rapids of change.  He is my rock, the comfort zone that never moves, He is the shelter from life’s storms and raging seas.  Through Him all things work together for the greater good, the greatest purpose.  It is through those moments that I need to remember to glorify Him in all of it.  He knows the plans He has for me.  He loves me unconditionally even though I am me.  We see all the little pieces of these lives on earth, and He sees the whole picture.  Ahhh, I think I’ll take comfort in that, and “going on” with Him by my side.

LuvNHugz - DV-NMV

Friday, July 8, 2011

Takin' Five on Friday - Grateful

Oh, where do I start?
There's a quick million to be thankful for but here's my top picks.
A husband, I'm not walking this road of life alone, making the hard decisions and steps without a partner.  I have love for those that do.
My children, all five of the crazy, chaos, messy, cuddly, cute, trouble making, loving, individuals that God has given me.
My extended family (this includes my friends as I draw no lines) whether you are by blood or by choice I am so blessed to have you in my life.
My home, a shelter from the storms, a haven of the peace that I make it.
Last but certainly not least my faith. For without that I would not see the beauty that surrounds me every day.  I would not have the peaceful comfort in my truest Father that loves me even though I am me.  I would not have the simple strength to get through each of the heavy hearted gloomy days that are waiting in my path.
Oh so much to be grateful for...

Time's up!

Oh and I know my time is done but I must say thank YOU.  If no one reads this or you find time to read it, thanx for encouraging me, you may not realize it, but you do.  ;0)


Wednesday, July 6, 2011


I wrote this last week and am just getting the opportunity to share it.

An amazing concept to think about, two opposite concepts, ideas, features, feelings that are working together to create the circumstances we have to deal with.  It surrounds us every day in so many ways.  Day versus night, good versus evil, simple versus complex, contradictions surround us everywhere, look around you.

On the 24th we celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary.  On that day I remember it being beautiful and joyful, full of laughter and smiles.  I also remember that it started out rainy and gloomy leaving us to wonder just how nice it was going to be that afternoon.  I had no idea the path that I was taking my first steps down on that day.  Ups and downs, gains and losses, birth and death, the past 11 years have been amazing and I am so blessed to have them.  The ironic thing about this week that has led me to thinking of the contrast of these contradictions in life is that as of the 29th my parents’ 32-year marriage is over.  The divorce decree was written up and signed this morning.  Celebrations and mourning, sometimes they go hand in hand.

I just read recently words that said something along the lines of this.  Sometimes it is in our greatest trials that God’s best plans come together.  Those are not the exact words, it was better phrased and I wish I could remember the words, they were a perfect reminder for me.  It is when we are down and dirty that we can see the hand reaching down to lift us up to help us dust off and the light shines brightest through the darkness.

Living He loved me, dying He saved me, because He loved us He made the greatest sacrifice ever by giving us His Son.  The tightrope I have been walking this last year was not easy to stay balanced on.  For several years I have watched my parents’ marriage crumble around their addictions, pride, attitudes and fall that their feet.  Meanwhile I’m trying to build a solid marriage for the babies that I carry and bring into the world.  I’m stumbling along in a new found faith that these two people had planted into my world years ago when I was around seven years old.  They didn’t know how to nurture me and teach me about it so for several years it was just ‘there’.  Once I married and we started our routines church and fellowship became regular parts of our week.  Our children now attend the Christian school and I see them learning these words and being guided to God’s teachings and it propels me to want to learn the same things.  A wonderful woman I met just over three years ago also shows me the beauty of His love and leads me to do and learn more.

A sweet fresh from high school graduate has just lost her earthly life to rise to the glory of watching us from Heaven.  The losses of tornadoes and other natural disasters are what pull together a community and show the beauty of helping each other.  An aching empty womb of a woman and a scared pregnant teen, each asking and wondering but not knowing what’s next.  The stark reality that life doesn’t come along as we want it, but as the Lord plans it is awe inspiring to me.  My days do not always follow my plan, but I can sit in the evening and reflect in the beauty of God’s surprises that flow through my day.  The sweet tears of innocence, the beautiful smiles of happiness, bittersweet memories, the ache of a heart full of love, they’re full of contradiction.

Jesus died so that we might fully live.  An extraordinary God uses the ordinary of everyday to rain His love upon us.  A simple babe, born in a manger is the One that led a glorious life and suffered just like I, so that He could carry my sin in His death and then rise to the throne and sit at the right hand of our Father. 

Contradiction, the black and white, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, it’s a struggle of holding on and letting go.  The kiss of benediction in a life well lived is seeing it, believing in the beauty of it and being thankful for it, for without it where would we be?


Monday, July 4, 2011

Takin Five on Friday

Several days late because my blogger apparently for android was unhappy for the last while...

Since I haven't gotten regular at writing anything else, I'm using this five minute "challenge" of sorts as a start place.
Gypsy Mama prompts us with WONDER today, so here goes.

Wonder, this always makes me think on the things awe inspiring in my life.  The stuff my life is made of.  I wonder at how God is so absolutely amazing and has chosen me for all these special blessings.  J, A, M, M, Q.  Eleven years of chaos with DH.  Sometimes I wonder why me, and then I realize that its simply because that is how He wants it to be.  He has all these amazing and awesome plans that I will happily dance in wonder each day and ask, why not me, instead.  In His plans and in His time all things great and beautiful through us for His glory.

Time.  Thanx for reminding me to count my blessings!!

Beautiful Words